Leave Me Alone!

I’ve mentioned the fact that I’m an introvert .  I’ve even touched on the concept of overstimulation.

Today, I’m writing from that place. The house is quiet. For the first time in almost a week, I have very little that I need to pay attention to. I’m allowed to write. I’m allowed to breathe. I’m allowed to sit in silence and just be.

I love the holidays, because they are gifty and cheerful. I hate the holidays because they wear me down to a bloody nub.   As it is – my first weekend without social engagements, without the 10 year old on Saturday night, without ANYTHING will be January 19th. I won’t get a yoga-pants-loafing-do-nothing-but-read weekend for almost another month.

Usually, if there’s an end in sight, I can power through. I can grit my teeth and bear it.  But there is no end. There is no reprieve. I have my evenings when Brett goes to work, but no weekends. No days off. No time to just be.

It’s really hard for me to not swear like a sailor in this post. In fact, the only reason I’m not swearing is because I can edit this thing before  it goes live.

So, what is going on inside my head, beyond the mild panic that I won’t have the time to counteract these horrible feelings?

  • Social media is “shouting” at me. I feel like every post is a cry for attention I don’t want to give. Every status, every tag, every tweet.
  • The dog is needy. (OK, so the dog is usually pretty needy, but he’s EXTRA needy when I just want to be left alone).
  • I don’t want to be touched. I shrug off touch of any kind. I need about 3 extra feet of personal space.
  • I am sensitive to every single noise in my vicinity.
  • I flip out when I’m trying to concentrate and I get interrupted.
  • If I were to see a television or hear something electronic talking “at” me, it would make me want to scream. Usually, I swallow that feeling and just click “off” or “mute”.
  • I really, really, really don’t care about anyone else right now.

That last one is the clincher. I don’t care if I hurt anyone else’s feelings (I usually would). I don’t care if I make someone else hurt or angry. I just plain don’t care. Right now, my brain is in a state of stress overload. This is a crisis. The emergency sirens are blaring and the lights are flashing. Evacuate! Evacuate!

You don’t want to be around me right now, trust me.


One thought on “Leave Me Alone!

  1. Pingback: Ghosts of Years Past « A.K. Anderson | Science Fiction and Fantasy Author

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