Leave Me Alone!

I’ve mentioned the fact that I’m an introvert .  I’ve even touched on the concept of overstimulation.

Today, I’m writing from that place. The house is quiet. For the first time in almost a week, I have very little that I need to pay attention to. I’m allowed to write. I’m allowed to breathe. I’m allowed to sit in silence and just be.

I love the holidays, because they are gifty and cheerful. I hate the holidays because they wear me down to a bloody nub.   As it is – my first weekend without social engagements, without the 10 year old on Saturday night, without ANYTHING will be January 19th. I won’t get a yoga-pants-loafing-do-nothing-but-read weekend for almost another month.

Usually, if there’s an end in sight, I can power through. I can grit my teeth and bear it.  But there is no end. There is no reprieve. I have my evenings when Brett goes to work, but no weekends. No days off. No time to just be.

It’s really hard for me to not swear like a sailor in this post. In fact, the only reason I’m not swearing is because I can edit this thing before  it goes live.

So, what is going on inside my head, beyond the mild panic that I won’t have the time to counteract these horrible feelings?

  • Social media is “shouting” at me. I feel like every post is a cry for attention I don’t want to give. Every status, every tag, every tweet.
  • The dog is needy. (OK, so the dog is usually pretty needy, but he’s EXTRA needy when I just want to be left alone).
  • I don’t want to be touched. I shrug off touch of any kind. I need about 3 extra feet of personal space.
  • I am sensitive to every single noise in my vicinity.
  • I flip out when I’m trying to concentrate and I get interrupted.
  • If I were to see a television or hear something electronic talking “at” me, it would make me want to scream. Usually, I swallow that feeling and just click “off” or “mute”.
  • I really, really, really don’t care about anyone else right now.

That last one is the clincher. I don’t care if I hurt anyone else’s feelings (I usually would). I don’t care if I make someone else hurt or angry. I just plain don’t care. Right now, my brain is in a state of stress overload. This is a crisis. The emergency sirens are blaring and the lights are flashing. Evacuate! Evacuate!

You don’t want to be around me right now, trust me.

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One thought on “Leave Me Alone!

  1. Pingback: Ghosts of Years Past « A.K. Anderson | Science Fiction and Fantasy Author

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