This article about courting friends deliberately delighted me last week. I find myself trying to figure out how to do this when I meet people I would like to spend more time with. I find myself courting my existing friends, attempting to stay in touch and schedule dates.
Adult friendships are difficult. Schedules get in the way, children are a factor to be considered. We respect that we both have lives, and lives often get in the way of adult friendships. If you don’t have those old BFF relationships to fall back on, those friendships that require less tending, it’s even more difficult.
In order to cultivate and maintain friendships as an adult, we have to be very deliberate about it.
Around the same time I read this article, I also got into a Twitter conversation about the nature of our online relationships. Facebook tends to be those relationships and friendships that we have drifted into involuntarily over the years: High school and college classmates, coworkers, and neighbors, distant cousins. I feel like I should be Facebook friends with those loose networks. It ends up feeling like a class reunion, or an office happy hour. A little awkward. Everyone trying to look their very best and happiest. Balancing that line between drinking enough to look social, and not so much as to look sloppy.
Twitter is a little bit different. It tends to be like-minded people you’ve never met in real life. It tends to be light-hearted and a little easier to start a chat with someone. It doesn’t always have to be best-foot-forward. I find Twitter to include those deliberate “courting” style relationships that are described in the article above. You can make friends with people, you can set out to win individuals over. You can court someone to follow you.
Do you have any deliberate friendships? What do you think?
- Friend-At-First-Sight (dish.andrewsullivan.com)
- The One Thing Every Friendship Needs (johnweirick.com)