That First Wedding Anniversary

wedding picture

No one tells you that the first year after the wedding is hard. Really hard. The funny thing is, once you’re through it, you find out that it’s this way for everyone.  Through the course of the year, I’m pretty sure I have driven away half of my friends. By around April, I wanted to curl up and cry with the messes I’d made.

We lived together for six or seven years before we got married. What was going to change? How hard could this be?

<cue rimshots of hubris>

 There needs to be a book about that first year after marriage, perhaps especially for those smug people (like me) who had lived together so “knew what they were getting into.” But I’m not the one to write it.  I can just say that now that I’m through it, everyone I’ve talked to has corroborated this evidence. Year one is really, really hard.

If you buy into Harville Hendrix, it’s because that step of commitment leaves us terrified that we’re never going to get our needs met. After all, now we’re relying on this one person to help us out, instead of crowdsourcing our emotional needs.

Today is our one year wedding anniversary, and we’ve come out the other side of the fear and insecurity. We’ve traveled the seas of doubt. I’ve slept alone a lot this year, because of Brett’s schedule, and it leaves me hungry and sad. We can talk about it, now. We can make compromises so it isn’t quite so lonely.

We learned a lot about each other in this year. Everything from the fact that we like to travel and explore at the same pace to seemingly little things. I like to be checked in on even when I’m heads down and writing. He feels loved when I make him sandwiches to take to work.  I like to sleep beside my husband – along the way, he learned that this makes him feel closer to me, too.

I was going to write a lovey-dovey mushy-squishy post about all of the things I love about him. About how we can encourage one another to grow and explore whoever it is we’re each going to grow into being, and nobody gets insecure that this is going to hurt us.  I was going to write about our vows: to laugh together everyday, and to be each other’s biggest fans.  I was going to write about the cool things that work really well between Brett and I, right down to and including how great a kid his son is.

But in a fit of honesty, I’ve decided to tell you that the first six months of this year were damned hard. It’s gotten better. Life is still throwing us fast balls and curve balls, but we’re back on the same team.

So, happy anniversary, Brett. Here’s to more laughs in year two.  I love you.

y 190

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3 thoughts on “That First Wedding Anniversary

  1. Congratulations on your first year. It does seem to be the easiest thing to happen, although you have done well. I have seen loads of couples who lived together for years, split up after getting married. It’s odd how that change can be the world of difference.

    I hope the next 70 are easier for you 🙂

  2. Marriage is breathtakingly difficult, and wonderful, and messy, but it’s evident from the way you write about it that you both are richly blessed and embarking on this journey with eyes wide open and laughter on your lips. Congratulations, and many, many happy returns.

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