This weekend, I took a me-cation. That’s sort of like a stay-cation, but way more introverted. I tried to stay away from Social Media as part of the retreat (it was something I already mentioned I wanted to consider stopping). I didn’t make a to-do-list.
I did set an intention. I wanted to come away from this weekend feeling relaxed and refreshed, feeling like I took really good care of myself, and feeling like I was creative – maybe even inspired. As the question “What am I going to do now?” has bubbled up over the past few days, I’ve checked in with that intention.
The interesting thing about trying to stay away from Social Media when I’m by myself for the better part of four days is noticing when I miss it. I miss it when I crave validation. I think about posting things when I need to look around the empty room and say “Isn’t this fun! Aren’t I clever?” I sat with those desires and needs all day yesterday. I spend a lot of my time on Twitter and Facebook worrying about how to make other people happy, but what I get back are those little nuggets of “You’re so creative! So smart! So pretty! So nice!”
I miss social media when I am proud of myself, and there’s no one around to brag to.
I don’t think I’m proud of that fact.
Honestly, ever since I found out I was Enneagram Type 3, I’ve tried actively to learn how to validate myself. It’s a little humbling that I’ve used social media as a validation-crutch without even realizing it. Cue the “the more you know” star arcing across the screen.
The other place that I found myself missing Social Media was with the Quest. That motley pack of over a hundred Questers answering prompts with toe-curling honesty. I missed them. I wondered what they were getting up to. I wondered what those unread emails in my inbox were prompting me to write about.
So, just as I did with every other activity this weekend – will Questing make me feel Rested, Self-nurturing or inspired? And I answered YES. I’ve decided – without logging in to Facebook or Twitter – without dipping my toe into the rest of the social foray – I’m going to answer the two prompts I’ve missed since I logged off on Wednesday night.
Thursday’s Prompt was from Todd Henry: “If you knew your life’s story will be written based upon your choices and actions in 2015, how will you live?”
The first thought that sprang into my head was Sure as hell not humblebragging for scraps of approval on Facebook. How will I live?
I’m staring at a shelf full of journals that I’ve written in almost daily since 2004. My husband has agreed to burn them when I die. They should not be published — or even read — by other people. But, they still already tell my story, don’t they? I think about what they already say about me. She was always learning. She took growth seriously. Creativity wasn’t easy for her – it was hard work steeped in deep insecurity and not nearly practical enough to warrant the time she spent on it – and she did it anyway. She doesn’t get to travel enough.
My thoughts around this topic were at first that I’m already making the choices and actions that will write my life’s story. I’m showing up at the page and writing my heart onto it. I’m querying agents, and taking rejections on calloused palms that no longer sting when slapped. I’m prioritizing properly.
I don’t want my life story to be “She prioritized well.”
I want it to be “She saw, heard, tasted and loved the whole world.”
This prompt is the first one that hasn’t galvanized me into action. Instead, it’s left me staring at my long-term goals with consternation. My husband and I have been tromping steadily uphill working toward buying a house that fits our family and in a safer neighborhood.